i’m so mad mum is probably going to get a $2000 laptop (the computer she uses now is like 8 years old or something) and she literally only uses the computer for email and looking up when the pool is open

meanwhile i’m sitting here with a $1200 laptop i spend SHIT tons of time on and do loads of stuff on that can’t even run minecraft on the lowest settings



Ex queen turned pirate being hunted down by the king’s men and naming her all female ship “the clit” and when asked why she replies, because the king will never find it.

Rival lesbian pirate finds ship immediately. Alliance is formed in no time.



a student walking to the edge of the hogwarts lake and saying “hello giant squid” and the squid surfaces and says “YOU ARE THE FIRST STUDENT TO TALK TO ME IN SIXTY YEARS” so the student sits down on a rock on the shore and they talk about life

a few years later the student learns to cast a corporeal patronus and it’s a squid. obviously

i have to be honest i posted this as an apology for that george weasley post