whenever people talk about primal urges half the time they’re talking about something sexual, but it’s like, sometimes you just gotta climb a flight of stairs like that, you know? it’s like my body is telling me, “buddy, five thousand years ago everyone would have bolted up stairs on all fours. it’s okay, it’s natural.”







the cubs are going to the world series

2016 confirmed for fake

 i said in the tags that if anybody asked i’d ramble about why this is such a big deal and


i’m not even much of a sports fan i just. love the story of the cubs. not even the team itself really, but the mythos that has attached itself to the cubs as their losing streak has lengthened


back around the turn of the 20th century, the chicago cubs were just another major league baseball team. won some, lost some, nbd.

they won the world series several times over, including back to back in 1907 and 1908

and then they just… didn’t

after 1908, no more world series wins for the cubs. they made it TO the world series a number of times, but no wins.

then 1945 rolled around

they made the world series again

going into game 4, they’re up two games to one

and then. fatefully. one man brings his goat into the park

(no seriously this is Real Cubs Lore right here)

specifically, the owner of Billy Goat Tavern, which is a well-known restaurant in the chicago area. this guy’s nickname is Billy Goat, for crying out loud. he’s Big on the goat thing

and he’s there, in the stands, watching the cubs in the world series with his pet goat, like you do

and then security kicks him out. tells him the goat smells bad and is disturbing other fans. (the truth of this statement, like many details of the incident, is uncertain. actually it might be that he didn’t even get past the door before he and his goat were turned away. things are vague okay)

this is clearly the final straw for Mister Billy Goat

so he puts a curse on the cubs. the exact wording varies depending on who you ask- “the cubs ain’t gonna win no more”, or something about not winning a world series at home, or something about just never winning a world series again…

the cubs lose that game, and go on to lose the 1945 world series.

and they don’t make it that far again… for seventy-one years.

they come close to winning the pennant and thus reaching the world series again a number of times. one memorable incident happened in 2003, where a Cubs fan accidentally pushed a ball back into play for the opposing team while trying to catch it as a souvenir, starting a series of hits that led to the Cubs’ defeat

but they just. didn’t. get to the world series.

the cubs got notorious enough for not being in the world series that back in 1989, the Back to the Future 2 movie made what was basically a joke about them saying that they’d win the world series… in 2015

(in the real 2015, they lost in the final series before the pennant, disappointing sci-fi fans everywhere)

the curse of the billy goat (which actually has its own article on wikipedia under that name) became well known, and people tried various rituals to reverse the cubs’ bad luck. the nephew of mister billy goat himself did various ceremonies that were supposed to help (but obviously didn’t). they tried spraying holy water in the dugout. cubs fans were getting desperate

also, quick aside: just to add to the “movie underdogs” vibe, the cubs play in an old (albeit recently renovated) stadium covered in vines. like. it’s known for its vine coverage. it’s iconic. somebody tried to poison a section of it and people got PISSED. not that this comes with the shoestring budget that such an image would usually imply in the movies, but the image is there nonetheless

and now. 2016. tonight. the cubs did it. they pulled off something that hadn’t happened since 1945. they won the pennant. they’re going to the world series.

it’s been 71 years since the cubs were in the world series, 108 years since they’ve won one. that’s over a century. that’s huge. and unprecedented- the red sox had a similar “curse” that lasted for almost ninety years and that was a big deal too, but that ended back in 2004. nothing even slightly comparable is still going as far as i know.

and now… history is being written. sci-fi series joke becomes 2016 reality.

so hopefully now more of you understand why the cubs going into (and potentially winning) the world series is weird and absurd and would raise eyebrows if the headline was sent back to 2015 and is just more proof that there is something fundamentally off about 2016

I’m a Chicagoan and let me tell you the hype is so fuckin real. I was at work when my coworker screamed they won, going on the loud speaker to announce to the few customers that we won and the whole store could be heard applauding. This shit is so intense

ok, now i’m not feelings so bad that the Jays tanked and got kicked from the Post-Season. 

Go Cubs!

This sounds like a joke but is true: 

The ivy covering Wrigley Field turns red in late October as winter sets into Chicago. 

Almost nobody in Chicago knows this, because the Cubs are never still playing this late in the season.

Go Cubs go!

btw, if you feel short of breath, kinda dizzy, heart racing for no apparent reason, try breathing out all the way. if u breathe out for way longer than you were expecting, you’re probably hyperventilating without realising


i love the idea of the main plot of homestuck being over but us still getting slice of life updates from them on earth c for the rest of eternity


dave: oh my god dude you dont. you really dont have to go this hard dude. just do it shitty. just half ass it

dirk, with about a weeks worth of scraggly unkempt facial hair, snapping on a pair of gloves as he prepares to go wild with some manic panic: Dave, when have you ever known me to half-ass anything in your life