So someone just sent me an ask regarding asexuality. Namely that they were worried about identifying as asexual because others have told them that they have identified as asexual and later experienced sexual attraction, thus leaving behind their label of asexuality. And while I didn’t want to publish the ask, as I was unsure if the asker was shy, I want to post a summary of what I replied. Because I think it’s kinda important, and I don’t really think I’ve ever really given my opinion about this type of thing. So. Yeah.
Okay.
Here’s the thing: I don’t think anyone should identify as something they might experience one day. That’s like saying you’re going to only wear the color blue, even thought you hate the color blue, because one day you might wake up and really fucking love cyan. No. You don’t do that. You wear the color shirt your currently like, and, later on if you decide you really love cyan, you go buy a cyan shirt. (I mean, the clothes I wore when I was 16 are no longer my style. Thank god, or I’d be wearing a Coheed and Cambria sweatshirt and ridiculous eyeliner to work everyday. But just because I currently don’t wear that same style of clothing does not mean I didn’t legitimately like it when I was 16. It suited me then. It no longer suits me now. The present does not change the past. My past was very real. I have the Coheed CDs to prove it.)
My recommendation: Identify as you currently feel. You can’t foresee the future, so don’t try and base your identify off of something that may or may not happen. Evaluate how you feel right now; think about which orientation feels right, right now, in this moment. Stay in the present, and cater to your identity of the present. Give yourself the freedom to change if anything evolves, but also value your current state and experiences enough to validate your present.
If one day you change, you change. There is absolutely nothing wrong with change. People experience different things from hour to hour, from day to day, or slowly over the course of a lifetime. Some people change often, others rarely. Humans are complex, so trying to foresee where you or someone might end up in the future just doesn’t work. There’s no equation to figure out where you’ll land next week or next year. You can’t change how you currently feel, and you can’t set a course to feel differently in the future. We’re all in for a roadtrip, and Google Maps is currently down. So we just have to wing it, or stop for directions as we go.
For me, I can’t say if I will be asexual forever. I just can’t. Does it seem like right now that asexuality is something that will stick with me forever? Yeah, of course. I am 21, and have never experienced sexual attraction to anyone, ever. I’ve given myself plenty of changes to test the waters, to figure out what I like, and what I like is apparently looking at beautiful people while fully clothed, and sometimes holding hands with said beautiful people.
The label of asexuality has made all of my past experiences and current feelings make sense. But I don’t know what the future will bring. If I one day experience sexual attraction, it happens. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with that, and I’ve never been one to deny myself what I want, so if I suddenly want to have sex you bet your ass I’m going to have all the sex I want, with all the people I want, and in whatever way I want. And I would most likely leave behind the label of asexuality, and find one that suits my newly acquired attractions. Would that take away the fact that the discovery of asexuality has made the last 5-ish years make sense? No. Not at all. I would accept my past, and accept my present, and be prepare to accept my future. I would accept that I am allowed to change, and give myself the freedom to do so.
Whatever happens, happens. I can’t tell you what will happen. No one can tell you that. So just do whatever you can to make the present the most enjoyable, for yourself and those around you.
i started laughing yesterday in the middle of the street because i started thinking what it would be like to have gym class with only tumblr people
