This helpful guide about what 200 calories looks like reminds us just how much healthy food we’re giving up each time we have a treat.
yeah, asshole. how dare you eat an order of french fries when you could have literally shoved 22 banana peppers in your fucking face-hole. what a piece of shit you are.
Oh DEFINITELY instead of eating a fucking hot dog eat carrots until you literally turn orange. Because, yes, if you eat that many carrots at a time, in place of the hot dog you were gonna have, you WILL ACTUALLY turn orange. BUY THREE FUCKING BUNDLES OF CELERY SURE. Eat all of that in place of a fucking muffin that sounds like a totally logical food choice.
Please. I am, in all realness, fucking begging you to eat junk sometimes. And then, like every other human, make the attempt to not eat it 24/7. You’ll be fucking fine. You are NOT “giving up” all that food each time you you have a “treat.” You’re giving yourself options and living on variety.
Hey, Science Side of Tumblr: somebody calculate how many calories worth of dick these people were eating when they presented these photos that way.
I heard the siren call of science coupled with food so I thought I’d throw down some calculations for you.
I’m not sure how to quantify the amount of dick eaten precisely so I went with base numbers and you can multiply out from there.
If by ‘eat a dick’ you mean swallow ejaculate, you might be surprised to learn that semen is surprisingly nutritious, containing up to 25 calories per, uh, serve. That’s about four mid-sized celery sticks, since our previous comparison was improbable quantities of nutritionally deficient plant matter.
If by ‘eat a dick’ you mean literally consume a penis, let’s go with the assumption that the average human penis weighs around, what, 250 grams? (If anyone has the means to accurately weigh their dick I would like to have that data). Dicks are neither primarily muscle or fat, but erectile tissue has a lot of the properties of a modified fat so I’m going to calculate it as though it’s a reasonably fatty cut. I’m also making the assumption that pigs and humans are close enough, meat-wise, to be comparable. (This is not an exact science, you understand).
Taking all these assumptions into account, a dick would be about 1,500 calories.
That’s almost a kilogram (actually about 930 grams) of celery.
Times however many dicks you think it would take to actually turn into as giant a knob as you’d need to be to consider that eating your weight in kiwifruit is more sensible than having a fucking peanut butter sandwich.
Peanut butter isn’t even a junk food, what the hell. Peanuts are hella good for you. Sit down, OP.
(The bioavailability of nutrients in potatoes is nearly unsurpassed, potatoes are the real superfood here. But please feel free to go drown in a vat of quinoa).
Thank you Science Side of Tumblr.
Now is there an Economics Side of Tumblr? Because we also have to discuss how “healthy food options” are so often cost-prohibitive.
That many french fries goes for, what? A buck? Not even? And the tri-color sweet peppers next to them you can get for a minimum of $2 for a three-pack, and it’s way more for larger bags (probably $7 and up) depending if you buy them from a wholesale club (which also charges membership fees). Medium bags of pre-cut mini carrots like those above go for over $3. As opposed to a hot dog, which, out of a pack of 8 costing about $4, costs around 50 cents each. Don’t get me started on Doritos. They fuckin’ give those little single-serve bags away with sandwiches everywhere you look. And you can get a giant bag with 16 servings in it for $4. [Insert rant about how America loves to fill you with dirt-cheap corn products here.]
Prices vary, of course, but one thing remains true: the cheap food is the processed, mass-produced “junk” food. Having causes is great and all — wanting people to eat healthy to save their lives, going veg or vegan in opposition to taking the lives of animals. I understand all that. The good intentions, though, don’t make the point any less classist.
It’s hard to afford fresh and “healthy” food options. Which adds another dimension of absurdity to this photoset.
Let’s engage with the Socio-Economic Side of Tumblr and talk about how many people under the poverty line live in food deserts, places where there are no grocery stores within a reasonable distance. Imagine you work long hours and have children that need care. Then imagine that shopping at a place where these more expensive, more varied options even EXIST means a bus ride of half an hour or more, probably accompanied by said children, and then that same bus ride home, burdened with groceries, likely with a substantial walk to the bus stop on each end of the trip.
That’s a prohibitive investment of time and energy into something that will require MORE time and energy of you later, to turn those expensive, difficult-to-acquire ingredients into a meal. A meal that your kids may not like, that will need you to pit your will against theirs to make them eat, a meal that maybe you don’t have the skills to MAKE because poverty is a cycle and the likelihood of your parents teaching you how to cook this kind of food is low.
These are complex problems, which will need complex solutions. The only thing photosets like these show us is how the majority of the population is frighteningly ignorant and lacking in compassion.