I went to high school with a kid who would only drink out of a baby bottle. He brought a large baby bottle to school every day. At first, we thought that he was using it to sneak alcohol or something, but he wasn’t. He would bring it filled with chocolate milk and then fill it up with Coca-Cola and Sprite during lunch. He’d buy a can of each and mix them together. Like I said, it was a large bottle.
I didn’t know the kid that well and I didn’t have any classes with him so I never really talked to him that much. I knew his name. His name was Kevin. Sometimes I’d see him at parties on the weekends. He still had his baby bottle. He would fill it with beer and rum.
He dated my sister’s friend, Emily, for a little while. I had known Emily for a long time. She had been a friend of my sister’s since they were five or six. They were really good friends. She spent a lot of time at our house for sleepovers and stuff. Sometimes she would pee the bed, but I never made fun of her for it. I think most older brothers would have loved the opportunity to make fun of their sister’s friend for peeing the bed and I think she really appreciated that I never mentioned it even though I definitely knew about it because after the sixth or seventh time, my parents started paying me to clean everything up instead of having to do it themselves.
I asked Emily why Kevin only ever drank out of a baby bottle and she said that she didn’t know. They had only been dating for a very short time at that point and she didn’t want to bring it up and offend him or anything. I asked her to tell me if she ever found out. They broke up right after that and I kind of forgot about it because Kevin stopped going to school. I don’t know if he transferred or dropped out, but I never saw him at lunch or any parties after that.
I hadn’t thought about him in a long time, but Emily happened to mention him while she was over at our house recently and I immediately remembered the baby bottle thing.
“Did you ever find out why he drank out of that bottle?” I asked.
“Oh yeah, he told me why,” Emily said. “He used it because he heard that babies that drink out of bottles for too long or drink sweet drinks out of them get really bad teeth problems. He wanted all of his teeth to go bad so that they would fall out and he would be able to fit a softball in his mouth. He said that he wanted to have the world record for being the first person to be able to put a whole softball in his mouth and he wouldn’t be able to do that with all of those teeth in the way.”
is this the new John green book
why does the work we’re getting set recently involve actually watching a video
like we’ve been getting “watch the video then answer these questions” for ages but normally i just google the answers but recently there’s been a few i actually have to watch the video for ugh
church: fight church. do it. shove that nerd into a locker. “but he’s an AI–” fight him anyway. trust me it’ll be worth it.
tucker: ABSOLUTELY fight tucker. why WOULDN’T you fight tucker??? have you MET tucker??? just make sure he doesn’t get pissed off — this is the guy who had the balls to back talk carolina, charge at tex with a sword he barely knew how to use, and get stabbed for The Cause. you’ll kick his ass anyway but tread carefully.
caboose: sure, go ahead. fight caboose. nah, nah you’ll be fine. i’ll go get my camera.
tex: there’s an entire song dedicated to telling you why you shouldn’t fight tex. don’t fight tex.
wash: don’t fight wash. he’s been through enough and he’ll have nothing to lose.
carolina: fight carolina. no, no hear me out — she’ll definitely kick your ass, but you’ll probably learn something. plus she’ll admire the fact that you were dumb enough to train with her. at the very least, if you do it right, you’ll get her on your good side. go on and fight carolina.
sarge: fighting sarge sounds like a good NOW, but just wait a day or two. then a few months. then a decade. if you want to fight sarge, keep your schedule clear — you’re in it for the long haul.
grif: fight grif. sarge’ll help and it’ll be a good confidence booster. but don’t touch his food. then it’ll get personal and he’ll try to eat you.
simmons: unless you’re ready to see a grown man cry or endless bullets headed in your direction, don’t fight simmons.
donut: what???? is wrong with you??? have tea with donut. let donut make you pretty. treat donut right. don’t fight donut, you monster.
doc: how about you FIND him first, asshole, then think about why you want to fight the pacifist. i’ll wait.
HS is supposedly a story that is also a game. In games, the characters die all the time. How many times did you let Mario fall in the pit before he saved the princess? Who weeps for these Marios. In games your characters die, but you keep trying and trying and rebooting and resetting until finally they make it. When you play a game this process is all very impersonal. Once you finally win, when all is said and done those deaths didn’t “count”, only the linear path of the final victorious version of the character is considered “real”. Mario never actually died, did he? Except the omniscient player knows better. HS seems to combine all the meaningless deaths of a trial-and-error game journey with the way death is treated dramatically in other media, where unlike our oblivious Mario, the characters are aware and afraid of the many deaths they must experience before finally winning the game.
“Both men and women are objectified and are given unrealistic standards by the media”
“men are JUST as objectified and given unrealistic standards by the media as women are”