I want to be a cryptid but not like I want to turn into mothman or bigfoot I just want to be regular old me but hanging out in the woods in a t-shirt and jeans and people look for me with binoculars and they find me hoarding stones by a riverbed eating lil debbie snack cakes and the government tries to conceal my existence
casual reminder that i wrote an 90-page novel when i was eight about a deranged pensioner who wants to take over the world and return everything to “The Good Old Days”, and which included such choice elements as
a really neurotic vegetarian vampire
alice cooper, for no apparent reason
an evil supermodel called miranda goth
three nine-year-olds climbing mount everest in diving helmets
the entire population of scotland appearing out of literally nowhere to help defeat the antagonists
“you can take our lives but you cannot take our trousers"
a few people have been asking me to post extracts from this so uh
You are moping on your island of self-imposed exile, and then this girl shows up.
She’s flying your best friend’s ship. The ship that Han thought he lost for ever. The ship that was stolen and passed through so many hands that he was sure he’d never see it again. The same ship that took you away from home for the first time.
She’s accompanied by your personal droid. The droid you left behind and abandoned. The droid that C-3PO was sure would never be the same again.
She holds out her hand and she’s holding your father’s light saber. The sword you were sure was lost forever. The light saber that you dropped down a bottomless air shaft on a gas giant thirty years ago. The light saber you knew you would never see again.
You look up and you see her eyes. Maz Kanata says that if you live long enough, you see the same eyes looking out of different faces. The girl’s face is different, but those eyes are the same. You know those eyes. They’re the eyes you thought you’d never see again.
And that’s when you know it.
You’re screwed.
They say sometimes the Force works in mysterious ways. Sometimes, the Force will send you little signs. Subtle clues.
Other times, the Force will just beat you repeatedly over the head with a gigantic neon sign that says: “You can’t run away from your past anymore, Luke. I won’t let you. Look, here is your past come back to haunt you. Now deal with it.”
You have no idea how much I adore this post with my whole being
I like the idea of the Force sending Luke little signs over the years that it’s time to return to his loved ones, gently increasing in intensity as he ignores them, until it finally gets fed up and shoves the events of Episode 7 into motion, finishing with a flourish of HERE’S YOUR NEW APPRENTICE, SPACE HOBO.
Aided and abetted by the ghost trio, I imagine. Especially since he did not look at all surprised.
Obi-Wan and Yoda sending him dreams and whispers for 15 years, before an exasperated Anakin pushed them aside “Excuse me, but you two are not very good at dealing with Skywalkers and have amply demonstrated that fact over the decades. We don’t do subtle. *appears giant-size over the sky* That’s it, Luke, we’re sending you all the things! So PULL YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, SON!!”
dave is one of those enigmatic tumblr famous bloggers who you never know anything about unless you follow him for like 3 ½ years and then maybe he’ll post a vine of himself eating cereal which gets reblogged by the thousands
like he talks about himself A LOT but he never ACTUALLY tells you anything except that his name is dave? probably? and he works at sears
he reblogs plastic bags and geocities gifs of weed spinning around and old skeletons and is never serious ever you dont even know if dave is his real name
okay so it’s cute that we all make out that Hamilton would come back from the dead and be honoured and annoyingly showy-offy about ‘Hamilton’ but let’s not kid ourselves, that pain-in-everyone’s ass would find out what rap was and in 2.5 seconds be creating a 10hr rap musical purely to out write Lin and tell his own unnecessarily long and overly personal life story
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also if i upgrade am i gonna have to fight with my tablet settings again bc i do Not want to do that
