Month: January 2017

actuallykanayamaryam:

santamander:

edgysombra:

Republican – Benito Mussolini

Democrats – Someone from tumblr who thinks that cuck is a slur

Greens – that witch who stole bones from a cemetery and sold them

Libertarians – The Amazing Atheist

bernie is dead by then but people are drawing out maps explaining how he can still win

listen everyone, theres this really helpful PDF here which teaches basic necromancy, and if we

lavidapoliglota:

lavidapoliglota:

some person in the future: so what’s Bert short for? Albert?

my son, Camembert: yes

some person in the future: Ella’s a lovely name! why don’t you like your name?

my daughter, Mozzarella: dunno

blenderweaselhasopinions:

hollowedskin:

prokopetz:

Trainability in cats is a funny thing.

My cats understand and will obey a number of verbal commands, one of which is “go away”. I don’t use it often, but if they’re bugging me and I’m trying to work or doing something that could be dangerous for cats, I can tell them to go away, and off they go – they’ll only keep pestering me if there’s a serious problem they need me to look at.

That said, their idea of a serious problem that requires my attention is somewhat eccentric. Previous instances have included:

• There was an unfamiliar car parked across the street
• Their water bowl was four inches to the left of its usual position
• One of them had puked on the stairs and they didn’t want to walk past it
• It was raining
• One of them saw a weird bug

These are all very important things that required your attention. They’re doing a good job.

Dogs really aren’t much better.  I teach all my dogs the command “show me”.  How it works is if the dog needs something but I’m having trouble understanding what exactly they’re trying to tell me, I say “show me” and they lead me to whatever the problem is.  Usually they lead me to a real problem (like a toy that got stuck under the couch, their water bowl is empty, etc).  But sometimes they want me to fix things like this-

• They pulled the covers off my bed and now they want me to put the covers back
• They put their ball on top of the ottoman but the ottoman won’t throw it for them
• The cat is sleeping and won’t chase them
• A flower fell off the potted plant
• The cat is sitting in a box and they don’t like it
• One of them lost their bandana
• The cat won’t take the toy they’re trying to give her
• The cat DID take the toy they gave her and now they want it back

vespertineflora:

thesylverlining:

rairii:

kijikun:

lizawithazed:

spacetwinks:

y’all go to this website, sign up, fill out some tax crap

write about 5000 words of porn or more – 3000 or more also acceptable, but you don’t really want to go under that. don’t tab to indent, i swear to god, it fucks with amazon’s formatting so bad. don’t write any porn that’d send you to jail IRL, amazon naturally (and thank god) doesn’t accept that shit.

on the ‘bookshelf’ tab, you click ‘add new title’, fill out everything, upload a cover – you can get one free image a month (or maybe a week now, i dunno) from bigstock.com if you need some stock images of people’s abs and stuff but can’t put cash down for anything just yet – and amazon has a cover making application built right into the process too to make things easier or if you don’t know shit about photoshop or whatever.

then you upload the document itself. click save and continue. choose how much you want your title to cost – 2.99 is generally what most people price theirs at, because that’s where amazon’s 70 percent royalties starts at. enroll in kindle select if you want that 70 percent royalties to apply to the whole world, so you’re getting the same royalties no matter where you sell.

then you hit publish and wait and wait and wait and wait for amazon to actually publish the fucking thing.

then you wait 60 days after the end of the month to get your royalties! don’t know why, but that’s how amazon rolls.

and you just keep making more and more titles in the meanwhile to build up that income cuz you’re not likely to make a lot from just one title.

there’s no real ‘gatekeepers’ in kindle erotica – you just start writing and publishing and you keep doing it and building up a library. some genres/kinks/niches sell better than others, and trends come and go, but it’s really all up to you – to do the writing, the publishing, the marketing, and then more writing and publishing. you just keep at it, bit by bit. this is a market where it’s really all about quantity… the bigger your library is, the more sales you’ll start to rack up, building like a snowball. even better if you release titles on like a regular schedule. ideally you want to put up like 2 titles a week, but 1 a week is a good initial goal to shoot for.

you can also go to amazon’s author central to set up an author page to get all your titles in one place and help build a reader base/link readers and buyers in general to.

godspeed anon!

hm.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

adding in my own hmmmmms

… I am seriously considering this. And also considering getting a proper pen name

Okay literally I’m reblogging this for the erotica how-to but also this is how Amazon self-pub works no matter what you write, like subject-wise, this is it for everything. OFC it doesn’t cover stuff like editing, cover art, marketing or pre-orders (Amazon used to have a pretty brutal pre-order deadline system, but they seem to be relaxing it after the last update? I can’t tell for absolute sure?), but in a bare-bones nutshell, yes, this is universal, and good information. 

(I haven’t done Amazon Select because I like to get my stuff in with other sellers like Barnes and Noble/iBooks/Kobo – bc some people don’t buy from Amazon, and Select means you can’t sell anywhere but Amazon, in exchange for some extra promotional tools. If you want to do this, I suggest looking into the distributor ‘Draft2Digital,’ it’s a very easy all-in-one free service. Smashwords is also an indie standard, but more difficult to work with; I feel Ways about Smashwords.)

But yes, if you just want to do Amazon self-pub, this is a very good basic start.

So just a heads up for anyone who may not be familiar with taxes!

Amazon pays you as an independent contractor/self-employed, which means a couple of things. First, it means that the income you receive from Amazon will not be taxed! You’ll receive the full amount of whatever you earn from your sales, instead of the chopped up paycheck most employees are used to seeing.

This does not mean you don’t owe taxes! Sometime in January following the year you earn money from them, Amazon will send you a 1099-misc form listing the total amount of income you received in the previous year. If you use TurboTax/etc, it will walk you through how to input that, so don’t worry about that!

Here’s the stuff to note: If you makes less than $600 during the year, Amazon is not required to send you a 1099, but you are still supposed to report the income. The chance of you being audited for owing the IRS less than $100 is probably slim (it is barely worth what it costs to audit someone), but please take note and report the income as needed!

And the biggest thing!!!! Because your income is not being taxed upfront, it means you will OWE taxes come the following year!!! Self-employment tax is 15.3% (which you will notice is MUCH LOWER than what gets taken out of your employee/W2-based paycheck), so you will owe AT LEAST that the following year (more if you make TONS of money). Now if you are working as an employee, there’s a good chance that any money you owe will be cancelled out by whatever extra money the government took from your employee paycheck during the year. 

BUT. If you earn a significant amount of self-employment income, or self-employment is your ONLY form of income, you will owe the government money in April! 

The smartest thing to do when you earn any sort of self-employment income is to put 20% of that paycheck into a separate savings accounts. Just put it there and leave it there. If you can get a savings account with good interest, even better, but not necessary! That way when your taxes come due in April of the following year, you aren’t scrambling for money to pay them; the money will be sitting right there in your savings account!

Also, being self-employed allows you to report deductions for stuff, so you might want to look into that too, because it’ll save you money. After you pay your taxes, any money left in the account is yours to do whatever you want with!

source: I’ve been filing a 1099 as my sole source of income for about 4 years now (about to be 5)