action movie about a guy who pretends to be a hitman and does the whole “25% up front and the rest when the job is done” thing but then just keeps the down payment, doesn’t kill anybody, and stops responding to the client’s calls, knowing that they can’t sue him for breach of contract without confessing to trying to hire a hitman. problem is now a lot of people who are comfortable with the concept of paying someone to kill someone else are mad at him
I’m running a pre-bought campaign in a sci-fi setting
Totally not-shady NPC: I’ll need you to retrieve my secret cargo from the abandoned spaceship, but it’s very private, so don’t look inside–
Player: Is it a girl in a box?
NPC: …What?
Player: This is a sci-fi story, and there’s a box you don’t want us to look into. There’s only ever one way that ends, and it’s always with a girl stuffed into a box.
Other Player: Hey, we don’t even know how big it is. It could just be a cigar box.
First Player: Okay, you’re right. It could be a bunch of sex toys. How big is the box?
NPC: It’s… uh… six feet long by three feet wide by three feet deep…
First Player:Ugh. Okay, fine. Somebody pack a crowbar and a spare set of women’s clothing. We need to go get this girl out of her box.
uhhhhhhh…….
One day I’m going to run a sci-fi campaign of some kind and there will inevitably be a girl-sized box that the players are not allowed to open
And when they open it instead of a girl there will be 12 possums that immediately escape and create possum-related mischief until they can be put back in the box.
So today my players encountered a travelling trinket salesmen who had a strange variety of goods on sale. I had fun coming up with random minor magical items, so I thought I would share them.
Trick Coins – Always land on the same side no matter how many times you flip them. Don’t get caught using them to gamble.
Magic Buttons – Can never be lost. Even if they fall off your garment, they will reappear in your pouch or pocket the next day.
Ghost Torch – The smoke from this torch makes ghosts visible.
Magical Dye – These pigments can recolor almost any object.
Alluring Pinecone – I stole this item from Oglaf because I think it’s great (nsfw link). I of course did not introduce it in so vulgar a fashion.
Cat Seeds – Magical seeds that if planted and cared for will grow into bulbs that will eventually bloom as kittens. These kittens are like normal cats in most respects except that they don’t hunt and subsist on sunlight and water rather than food.
Unbreakable Thread – Sewing thread that can’t be broken. Lone exception to the “You break it, you buy it” rule of the store.
Demon Tears – Small crystalline stones that will strike fear into the hearts of those that are struck by them.
Charming Cufflinks – Gives a small bonus to diplomacy with folk of the opposite gender.
Elven Earrings – When worn, they give the illusion that you have elf ears.
Magical Umbrella – A hands free umbrella that floats above you when it rains and is not affected by wind
Fish Whistle – A whistle that drives fish mad and will cause them to literally leap into your boat or on shore.
Magic Chalk – Can write on any surface, even non-solid ones. To erase, simply wipe it off with your hands.
Hate Spice – A seasoning which will cause the food to taste terrible to anyone who hates the cook.
Magical Jelly Molds – Can either cook or freeze jelly like substances that are placed within them instantly.
Password Protected Coin Purse – Can only be opened if you know the password
Kinstone – Vibrates when relatives draw near. Useful alarm system for in-laws.
Water Magnet – Water is magnetically attracted to this unassuming chunk of metal
Lying Lipstick – Gives the wearer a small bonus on Bluff checks.
The Brontosaurus is named for the first woman to depict it in fiction, Emily Brontë. Her novel Wuthering Heights was an epic adventure through a lost world of dinosaurs and took advantage of the recent discovery of a massive skull fossil to inspire its largest beast, what would become known as the Brontosaurus, which she simply called “Heathcliff.” Heathcliff’s rampage through Victorian England horrified and amazed readers who were at the time used to the dull and dinosaurless works of Jane Austen, whose name went on to inspire the word “Austere.”
The only post that has made me want to read Wuthering Heights.
Zombie apocalypse where you play a group of crows, hyenas, vultures, and other scavengers trying to figure why their lunch keeps getting up and running away
