i taught swim lessons and preschool, do y’all wanna hear the most ridiculous white kid names i’ve ever seen?
i’ve met at least a dozen children named some form of “jackson” but the best ones were “jaxon” and “jakson”
a parent who i really liked named her son “jaycob” because she was worried people wouldn’t pronounce it correctly. when someone accidentally spelled it “jacob” she would loudly and obnoxiously ask “WHO’S JAH-KOBE?”
two siblings named “thor” and “tiara”
i once had a classroom with four girls named “brooklyn”
if you sent me a list of popular boy names, i could guarantee i’ve met every single one of them
twin girls named paisley and brinley
a girl named reader
a boy named rocko
keighleey
kayde
kolten
if it can start with a “k” instead of a “c” i have met that child
brittalynn
i taught a swim class with three girls named “london” but only one of them was spelled “lundon” and i know my boss did that to me on purpose
a couple named all their kids after places in arizona: tatum, payson, and hayden
and speaking of hayden, i’ve seen: haydon, heighden, and heydon
according to some white people, there are sixteen different ways to spell mckenzie
lakelyn, blakelynn
this is white culture
I had a student named Branch.
I once had pair of siblings named Hunter and Tanner. I really wanted them to have a sister named Fawn.
I had a Clark and Ophelia that were a bit unusual in the naming department.
And I had every single imaginable version of a girl’s name staring with “Mad-“ and every single imaginable version of a boy’s name ending in “-aden”
Mom’s a teacher. So far her best/worst white kid names:
“Damion with a Y” according to the parent. Daymion? Damyon? Nope. Damiony. The Y is silent, said parent
A girl named Free. Maybe not that bad on its own, but the girl’s last name was Love
A boy named Calup because his mom couldn’t spell Caleb
the y is silenty
saw a white lady who had a poodle named Leigheaux (Leo…)
Had two sibling boys come into work the eldest called Forest and his younger brother was Tree.
jake: *effortlessly lifts dirk onto his shoulders* jade: *effortlessly lifts davepeta onto her shoulders* john: *effortlessly lifts roxy onto his shoulders* jane: *effortlessly lifts callie onto her shoulders* kanaya: *effortlessly lifts rose onto her shoulders* karkat: *sweating* WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT ME LIKE I CAN’T DO IT. OF COURSE I CAN DO IT. DAVE WEIGHS PRACTICALLY NOTHING. I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT! dave: come on babe heft me like a sack of grain karkat: I WILL. I CAN. I ABSOLUTELY CAN. I’M JUST NOT GOING TO DO IT NOW. I’M GOING TO DO IT ON MY OWN TIME. IT’S GOING TO BE MY CHOICE. I’M NOT GOING TO BE PEER PRESSURED BY A GROUP OF MUSCLED MOON THUGS, JUST STANDING THERE EXPECTANTLY, WAGGLING THEIR IMPUDENT EYEBROWS IN A WAY THEY *KNOW* I FIND UPSETTING,
yknow what? mr. firelord i am inviting you to meet me in the fucking agne kai pit and i do not care that i am not an expert firebender and will be facing you with nothing but my wrath and my 2 fists i am going to die historic + i WILL go down calling you a bitch and a chode. thank you in advance.
i challenge ozai to agne kai and i’ll be bringing a 12 gauge shotgun. did you just say that’s not fair, lord puppy kicker? grand high bullies the little children? say it again, i want to record it for youtube.
One of my favorite categories of taz headcanon is “random stuff lucretia forgot to erase”
The classic “elves in Faerun don’t echolocate”
The one where Magnus jumps up behind Davenport as part of rogue training and Davenport yells “Magnus, stop doing that!!!” 100% reflexively
A fic I read one time where Taako and Magnus got into some lengthy debate about Fantasy Iron Chef or Fantasy Survivor or something while a local with no concept of television listened in like “How?? Were you watching these people??? Guys??”
Magnus stripping naked in front of Lucretia doesn’t twig as weird to anyone in the room
Davenport can’t hold a conversation, but he can and will destroy you at any strategy game you put in front of him
Addendum: sometimes he and Merle play some sort of elaborately house ruled poker with a tarot deck and no one else can figure out what’s going on but they don’t seem to be improvising and they never actually discussed the house rules before implementing them?
Magnus punches a plate of cookies out of Avi’s hands because those have hazelnuts in them and don’t you know the Director is allergic?? (He didn’t know. Nobody knew. Merle and Taako knew)
Merle starts up some drinking song that nobody on this entire moon has ever heard before but Magnus jumps right in. Taako rolls his eyes but joins in on the chorus. The Director can correctly identify it within two lines.
Lydia and Edward actually have no freaking clue what Dupree is (malformed dragon?) but Merle and Magnus are just “ah yes. A t-rex”
Barry Bluejeans is a fighter but that one mission involving a necromancer he recognized the ritual immediately and made fun of the guy for using an inefficient circle.
Content like that. I live for it.
Magnus getting naked in the middle of a meeting with the Director and receiving no reaction is my favorite not-canon-but-canon instance where Lucretia forgets that she’s not supposed to let on that she spent a lifetime sharing a home with these doofuses
