Friends, family members and loved ones of learning disabled and mentally ill people need to have a working knowledge of what Executive Dysfunction is, and respect the fact that it is a prominent feature of that person’s psychology and life.
Executive Dysfunction is best known as a symptom of autism and ADHD, but it also features in depression, anxiety disorders schizophrenia, OCD (which by the way is also an anxiety disorder), personality disorders; etc, a whole myriad of mental illnesses and disabilities can result in executive dysfunction.
Years ago when I was like 14 and had recently learned of my autism diagnosis, I watched a youtube interview between autistic people, and an autistic woman said something along these lines:
- “Sometimes, a lightbulb will burn out, but I cannot change it. I have the physical capability to change the lightbulb, and I want to change the lightbulb, and I know I need to do it, but because of my autism I just don’t do it. So the lightbulb remains unchanged for weeks. Sometimes people have to change the lightbulb for me.”
When she said that I related so much, because constantly throughout my whole life I have wanted and needed to do things with my wanting and needing being akin to my spurring an extremely stubborn horse who refuses to move. For the first time I learned that I wasn’t just “lazy”, I had a condition that prevented me from doing things as easily as other people can, but unfortunately it took me years since then to understand that.
Imagine that you are a horserider, but your horse is entirely unwilling to move even if you want to move. You dig in your heels, you raise the reins, but the horse refuses to respond. Your wants and needs are the rider, and your executive functions (the parts of your mind responsible for getting things done) are the horse.
I think it’s incredibly dangerous for neurotypical loved ones to not understand, or be aware of, or respect executive dysfunction. Neurotypical can assume that we are just being lazy, careless, selfish or difficult, when in reality we want to do the thing but our brains prevent us from consistently and reliably doing the thing.
That misinterpretation can lead to toxic behavior and resentment on the part of the loved one, which will harm us emotionally and do us a lot of damage gradually over time.
That damage can take the form of internal self-criticism, complicating executive dysfunction even further and making it worse.
I think about this a lot, because I have to. In my own life, as a parent who struggles with executive dysfunction and yet has to teach a child basic life skills, it’s important to know my blind spots and learn to function around them. He’s watching me and learning from my example, so I have to do my best to explain what I can’t always do, and try to do it anyway.
Executive function is such a fundamental and yet hidden trait. It is in charge of reasoning, flexibility, problem solving, planning, and execution/prioritization of necessary steps in any action.
Each task is never one task. Take changing the lightbulb – from beginning to end, it’s a series of steps that must be put in proper order:
- Notice light bulb is burnt out.
- Recognize that it can be fixed by putting in a new light bulb
- Remember where new light bulbs are stored
- Go to light bulb storage area
- Select new one
- Find stool or chair to stand on
- Take out old bulb, put in new one
- Screw in bulb
- Replace chair or stool to previous spot
- Throw away old bulb
That’s not even all of them, but it’s a good enough summary for now. There are hidden stumbling blocks in every single step.
- A burnt out bulb may go unrecognized as a problem – there’s two other bulbs in the room, it’s a little dimmer, so what? It might take all three burning out before you see it as a problem.
- Maybe you forgot where the bulbs are, because it’s been a while. Searching the house is a task you put off, because it’s messy/disorganized/big/you have other more pressing matters. The bulb can wait.
- You find the bulb storage, but you’re out of new ones. You have to shop. You’re busy, you put it off until the next time you shop, by which time you’ve forgotten you need a light bulb. Repeat cycle.
- You’ve been depressed for a while, or maybe you’re just a messy person. A stack of important documents is on the chair you’d use to stand on to get to the bulb. You know if you move those documents you’ll forget where they are, and it’s tax stuff/homework/your mom’s birthday card, and you can’t forget that. The bulb gets put aside until you deal with those things. But you don’t want to deal with them now, so the bulb waits.
- Throwing out the bulb requires safe disposal so that you don’t break it and accidentally cut yourself, or someone else in your home. You have no idea how to safely dispose of it. You put off changing the bulb until you figure out what to do with the old one.
On and on and on. Each step requires problem solving, prioritization, and reasoning. These are the hidden processes that go on in our minds every single moment of every day. Difficult tasks build up, compounding the problem of completing others, until each action requires ten more before you can solve the minor problem you started with. Changing a light bulb ends in a night of doing your taxes. Doing the dishes ends in standing in the dish soap aisle at the grocery story for a half hour trying to figure out which soap to buy for the dishwasher.
When a simple action requires the same effort from you as the most complex, abstract problem-solving…. to put it mildly, you’re fucked. Every day tasks require exhausting mental gymnastics.
So, be kind to the person who can’t seem to change a light bulb. There’s a lot that can stand in the way.
this is such a good addition to my post
Important info!
“Difficult tasks build up, compounding the problem of completing others, until each action requires ten more before you can solve the minor problem you started with. Changing a light bulb ends in a night of doing your taxes. Doing the dishes ends in standing in the dish soap aisle at the grocery story for a half hour trying to figure out which soap to buy for the dishwasher.”
I relate to this so hard.
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