Month: November 2017

gallusrostromegalus:

gallusrostromegalus:

gallusrostromegalus:

Nyquil fucks me up every time I take it and furthermore, has the audacity to make me forget what fucking happens every single time.  Since taking it at about midnight last night, My day:

• Woke up at 4-6 AM and apparently did the dishes
• Fiance gets up at 8:00AM, allegedly has fully cognizant conversation with me about his plans to stay late and tutor classmates. I don’t remember even being awake.
• at 9:32 AM, my Dad called me and i had a 23-minute phone call with him that I have no recollection of, but apparently I spent most of it discussing the merits and drawbacks of the various tablets my mother is interested in.  I was mad about how expensive updating storage capacity was for most of them.
• Felling way more sober than I actually am, attempt to drive to school at 10:12.  and spend enough time confused why my keys aren’t working on my car that my neighbor actually comes out of his apartment to ask what I’m doing to his car.  I decide to stay home.
• 10:40: Send emails to professors to tell them I’m in no shape to be in class.  I think I am eloquent. Upon opening my email later I realize I’ve sent them emails with the subject line “fuckt up” and message: “sorry, love you.”
• Benefits of going to a small college: they know I’ve got exciting drug reactions already and are sick as well and reply with “I understand and hope you are feeling well soon, here is today’s lecture slides” and “lol” respectively.
• ~11- 12:30 : Get lost in neighborhood walking dog.  In my defense, it’s 99% off-beige generic prefab housing on nonlinear-bordering-on-noneuclidean streets and Charlie had no interest in going home either.
• 12:30-3:00: Wall
• 3:00 : phone alarm goes off and I suddenly realize fiance was supposed to be home an hour and a half ago. Fly into immediate panic, try to find phone to call him and/or the sherrif becuase he’s obviously dead in a ditch or something.  I am holding my phone the whole time.
• 3:16 : Fiance gets home, I cry like a bitch, the dog also cries, everyone has a really bad 15 minutes.
• 3:33 : Realize I haven’t actually ate or drank yet today. Immediately consume a quart of apple cider and plate of taquitos.  Make pork chops and potatoes and don’t stop talking about what happens if a werewolf has sex with a dog while shifted the entire time.
• 4:00: pass out on couch to the soothing sounds of Mario Oddesy
• 1AM: Why is it thursday?

The moral of the story is that you should always write down any drug reactions and label medication you should take with a large index card that says “DO NOT TAKE THIS IT FUCKS YOU UP THEN YOU FORGET” in large, friendly letters.

To answer a few questions about this post:

• I didn’t take anything Except the Nyquil the previous night.
• This happens to me with most sinus medication- benadryl, children’s cold meds, nasal sprays etc. 
• According to my Psychiatrist, some people with ADHD, Bipolar, Depression or TBI can have really weird reactions to sinus drugs because they fuck with your sleep/wake cycle, though the exact mechanisms are unknown.  
• Out here, “Apple Cider” is apple juice made with the skin left in, the boozy stuff is called “Hard Cider”
• “Wall” refers to the act of lying on one’s side, staring at the spackle with nary a thought in one’s skull. It’s soothing, except for the part where you don’t actually feel like anything. 0/10, not reccomended.
• My conclusion is that it results in wolf-hybrids with werehumanism, thank you two people who asked.

Since people were asking How I knew shit down even though I don’t remember:

• Fiance told me about hearing me do the dishes, and about the conversation at 8AM.  “Didn’t you remember me telling you I’d be late?” He asks as I try to explain I thought he’d died or something. “NO.” I sob, refusing to let go.
• Phone contains records of calls made and emails sent. Technlogy is amazing.
• There is also a Pedometer for measuring exercise and told me when I was out walking the dog. Also have ~vauge recollections of trying to remember what fucking street I was on.
• In related news, I’m not totally insane, Whoever named the streets in my neighborhood is. There are six streets named “Pioneer” for some reason.  “Pioneer Drive” “Pioneer Way” etc.  Good Job, Municipal Planning Guy Dave.
• Also I have neighbors with nothing better to do than watch everyone go by and complain when you don’t behave in the expected fashion for them but Mr. Collins has a broken foot and nothing better to do so I forgive him.
• Started to be able to remember things around 3 PM, even if i was an emotional wreck.

I’m like a really shitty, very sick Sherlock Holmes, except I’m funny and look better in hats.

The worst part was it didn’t even stop my nose from running.

gallusrostromegalus:

mylordshesacactus:

mylordshesacactus:

mylordshesacactus:

did I ever tell y’all about the time my dad’s friend got near-fatally stabbed by a deer

I worry that you may look at this and picture my dad’s friend being gored by a deer. you may think I am being slightly careless or hyperbolic with my word choice

oh no. no no no.

he got stabbed by a deer. with a knife. a deer used a knife to stab him and he almost died.

okay so

It is a fact of life in the time and location in Ohio where this story takes place that the deer population has no natural predators in the area. Regulated human hunting is necessary to keep the population to a healthy size. 

And deer season opens in staggered brackets, right? Bowhunting opens first, to give people using bows and arrows a chance to get their shot in (no pun intended) before people with loud guns start scaring all the game away. Bore-loading rifles open next, works up to shotguns, etc. If you want to hunt deer with a machine gun you have to wait until everyone else has had their turn, basically.

So while my dad’s friend here does enjoy hunting for sport, he doesn’t need the meat the way some people do and as such he doesn’t feel right using guns; anyway, he likes the extra challenge of bowhunting, and it makes him feel better knowing that the deer have a sporting chance. 

So he’s out there with a bow and arrow right when deer come into season.

Hits one. Clean shot, deer goes down, so the guy pulls out his hunting knife and walks up to this deer, which has just been shot and is by all rights already dead. He’s just doing the humane thing and checking to make sure so that he can give it a mercy stroke if it’s still clinging weakly to life.

This deer ain’t clinging weakly to shit.

So the poor man squats down next to its head, holding his hunting knife responsibly with the point facing down so that if he stumbles and falls he won’t impale himself. It’s what you’re supposed to do.

Dying deer looks him in the eye and has a split second in which it telepathically communicates: Fuck you.

Kicks out exactly one time.

Hits the knife perfectly and drives it into the guy’s thigh up to the hilt. And then dies.

Anyway there are some pretty fucking important veins and arteries in your thigh, which the deer’s Taking You With Me move thankfully missed. So this man who just wanted to give deer a fair fight ended up in the middle of the woods with a gushing thigh wound and almost bled out before he managed to get himself back to his car and very, very carefully make his way to the hospital.

(By all accounts he was very good-natured about the whole thing. Once he was no longer in immediate danger of dying he thought it was hilarious. In his own words, “It’s not like I can blame him, you know? I mean…that’s fair. That’s fair.”)

And that is the story of how my dad’s friend got stabbed by a righteously pissed-off deer.

The only Non-Ohioan thing about this is how calm and sensible your dad’s friend was about the whole incident, instead of say, bleeding out becuase he tried to haul the carcass back or going on a militant anti-deer campaign.

Good job him.

emilyofmindelan:

isnt-thatwizzard:

downtroddendeity:

I woke up this morning with the urge to post a brief and thoroughly non-exhaustive list of Discworld pun/reference names of varying levels of obscurity that people may or may not have gotten, and HERE IT IS.

• Vetinari is a play on “Medici,” the extremely powerful Italian political family who sponsored and inspired Macchiavelli’s “The Prince.”
• The philosopher Didactylos’s name literally means “two fingers,” which refers to a rude British gesture roughly equivalent to flipping someone off.
• Death’s manservant Alberto Malich is named after Albertus Magnus.
• The feuding Ankh-Morpork Selachii and Venturi noble families are named, respectively, for the scientific name for sharks and a part found in jet engines. This is a reference to the feuding Sharks and Jets street gangs in the musical West Side Story, which is itself a retelling of Romeo and Juliet.
• “Nobby” is a slang term for a policeman. Nobby’s dad, Sconner, gets his name from- well, you know how the Nac Mac Feegle call people “ya wee scunner”? Same word.
• The guide to nobility Twurp’s Peerage is named after the Roundworld equivalent, Burke’s Peerage.
• Mrs. Rosemary “Rosie” Palm, head of the Guild of Seamstresses, is named for. Um. Something a bit… rude.
• All the golems mentioned in Feet of Clay have Yiddish names, and mostly uncomplimentary ones. “Dorfl” means “idiot” and “Meshugah” means “crazy.”
• The head of the dwarves running the printing press in The Truth is Gunilla Goodmountain, whose surname is a literal translation of “Gutenberg,” the inventor of movable type.
• The Smoking GNU is a reference to the GNU operating system.
• Ridcully was introduced in Moving Pictures as “Ridcully the Brown,” as an extended parody of Radagast the Brown from Lord of the Rings.
• Black Aliss is named for Black Annis, and the god Herne the Hunted is a play on Herne the Hunter.
• “Greebo” means… well, I’ll quote the Annotated Pratchett File: “’Greebo’ is a word that was widely used in the early seventies to
   describe the sort of man who wanders around in oil-covered denim and
   leather (with similar long hair) and who settles disagreements with a
   motorcycle chain – the sort who would like to be a Hell’s Angel but
   doesn’t have enough style.”
• Nanny Ogg’s house is called “Tir Nanny Ogg,” a play on “Tír na nÓg,” the otherworld in Irish mythology.
• Miss Treason’s given name, Eumenides, is another name for the Erinyes, Greek goddess of vengeance.
• Erzulie Gogol’s first name is shared with a Vodou goddess, and “Baron Saturday” is a play on “Baron Samedi.”
• Desiderata Hollow, good fairy godmother, has a first name derived from the Latin word for “to wish.”
• “Lilith de Tempscire”‘s surname is just a French translation of “Weatherwax.”
• The terrible pun in Casanunda’s name (he’s a dwarf, so he’s UNDA, not OVA) is probably obvious to a lot of people, but it took YEARS for me to notice it, so I’m including it on this list.
• The old Count de Magpyr’s name is Bela de Magpyr, after, of course, Bela Lugosi. (And Vlad also mentions an aunt Carmilla.)
• “Djelibeybi,” for those unfamiliar with British sweets or classic Doctor Who, is pronounced identically to “jelly baby.” The country of Hersheba was introduced after many, many Americans failed to get the joke- with limited success, because it’s less immediately recognizable as a play on “Hershey bar.”
• “Omnian” is a multilingual play on “Catholic.” Omni- is a root meaning “everything,” and “Catholic” originally meant “universal.”
• Lu-Tze’s name is a play on Laozi/Lao-Tzu/Lao-Tze, founder of Taoism.
• Dr. Follett, head of the Assassin’s Guild thirty years ago in Night Watch, is named for… author Ken Follett, in exchange for a significant monetary donation to charity.

And I’ve got some more for you!

• Mrs Cake’s first name is Evadne. In greek mythology she is a child of Posideion and Pitane. She became pregnant by Apollo and her child was destined to be a gifted prophet. Her name is said to mean “Pleasing One.”

• Ridcully has already been mentioned but his first name is Mustrum. Which seems to be a combination of  muster and monstrum. Together of course can mean “Summon Monsters.” Intersting name for a wizard!

• Interestingly, the word “Rince” can mean to move quickly. Meaning we have a character who’s name pretty much means, “Run like the Wind.” 

• Its fitting that Nanny Ogg’s first name is Gytha, meaning “Warlike” or “Warring.” Consider what her family is like….

• Detritus; a troll who’s name literally means “ a loose mass of stones.”

• Lancre is a clear reference to Lancashire. But also Pierre de Lancre, a witch hunter from the 17th century. 

• Pseudopolis is a literal “fictitious city” 

• Llamedos is a reference to Llareggub; a town in a poem by Dylan Thomas. Go ahead and read that backwards.

• All the aussie places are reminiscent of strine (a form of aussie slang and a dialect in itself. Dijabringabeeralong is the most obvious, say it slowly. Worralorrasurfa is basically what a lot of surf, a reference to Surfer’s Paradise in QLD. Where you can find Petunia the Desert Princess, a reference to Priscilia, Queen of Desert. (plus all the dfamous drag refefrences)

• Bugarup is self explanatory. And probably Sydney, meaning Dijabringabeeralong is melbourne, due to the wine references. 

• The Horse in Tiffany’s home in the Chalk, is a reference to the Uffington White Horse. So much so that it’s almost identical. (many Chalk figures can be found in various locations in the UK) 

• Theres one up in Lancre called the Long Man which bears a resemblance to the Cerne Abbas Giant. Nanny would definetely approve. 

• The closest name meaning of Helit (Sto Helit) is to “To Last Forever”

• Qu in Thief of Time, is definetely supposed to be Q from James Bond. The gadget maker who would very much like all his things returned intact.

• Teatimes name is most likely a reference to The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul, where Gods are created by humans due to the compulsion to personify forces. They become more and more powerless as people forget them, until they are a bit like divine vagrants. 

There is so much more. But heres a few!

ALL OF THESE ARE AMAZING

dunkstein:

koobaxion:

here’s a hot take: giftwrap is dumb, 95% of the time you can just hand someone the thing and accomplish the same task. Society has conditioned us to love wrapping shit up for no reason, probably by gift wrap industry people.

Counterpoint: monkey instinct says uncovering secret bounty from colorful shell good as fuck