dirkjohn meet cute dirk is the weird guy selling swords in the dealers room at johns local anime convention. john calls every sword a katana. at first dirk does his standard “actually thats a wakizashi. a katana is generally twice as long, a wakizashi is for close combat” but john comes back every day and does the same thing up til sunday morning when he points at a shuriken and asks “how much for the little baby katanas” and dirk fucking lunges at him
okay i did a thing.
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my #1 nitpick with the homestuck fandom is that people think light = knowledge. its not the aspect of knowledge, it’s luck. rose is a seer. have you seen vriska
dirkjohn au where they’re both just, fucking bored idiot losers and they both make tinder accounts as girls to see how funny itll be to catfish someone. their fake profiles end up matching and they start experimentally chatting and are actually hitting it off really well so they both end up mutually roleplaying as made up lesbian college students for two months before actually just ripping that bandaid off. it turns out theyre in the same comp sci class.
Take it to the next level. There’s at least 1 irl date that John and Dirk panic about and don’t fess up too for different reasons, instead enlisting Rose and Jade to act as them for the date. So you have Rose and Jade on a “date” that’s really Dirk and John hiding in bushes and behind soda machines nearby feeding them stuff to say through ear pierces The girls realize like 1 whole minute in that the other is in her same situation and they proceed to wordlessly agree to fuck this up to stress their dumb friends out. They start dating too.
okay okay okay okay okay this is absolutely fantastic but one correction.
it wouldn’t be jade and rose. it would 100% be jade and roxy. undoubtedly. dirk and john think theyve managed to pull off The Perfect Crime with the headphones and one day dirk runs into jade and roxy hanging out in a coffee shop or something. Roxy starts introducing Jade to dirk, but using all of the information from john’s fake tindr profile and dirk is just. in the most intense panic of his entire life.
