dirk is fully aware that minihoof is not a normal size horse, but also he has no frame of reference. he knows shes small but he has no idea HOW small she is. he figures regular horses are like dog size. one day the kids are exploring new earth and dirk meets a normal size adult horse and it puts the fear of god into him
Some headcanons bc I’m rereading Homestuck and forming them:
-Dave is thin. Like. Way unhealthy skin. (The boy can’t heat up a burrito and he has no fridge.) He has really really lean muscle. Smells bad more often then not.
-John is kinda fat. No muscle. He’s soft and he smells like that cheap plasticy smell from dollar tree toys (bc of his cheap magic toys.) and sugar.
-Rose is p muscular. Her mom taught her martial arts and she keeps in shape. Smells pretentious.
-Jade is tol and buff. She smells like dirt and dogs. Her hair is matted and she never shaves.
has no idea what hes doing. came to school for computer science, dabbled in music for a while, now hes somehow gotten roped into studying medicine? the boy just wants to do card tricks
his grades are pretty decent too which is why its so weird that he keeps bouncing around. dad is v supportive tho
member of the school improv comedy troupe
rose
started out in psychology but REALLY wants to switch to creative writing but shes holding off bc she doesnt want to be That Girl
works part time at the starbucks in the school bookstore. does horrifying latte art
posts bizarre, holzerian “art installations” on campus but theyre actually all just repurposed dril/wolfpupy/etc tweets
dave
photography major. casual interest in archaeology but happy w his major and never really considered anything else
basically a campus celebrity on yik yak/snapchat
sells weed to freshmen. no he doesnt. its a baggie full of oregano
jade
physics major, honor student
the same age as everybody else but has way more credits under her belt due to hoarding ap credits. she was home schooled too she just wrestled those fuckin tests into submission
she trains therapy dogs, shes on the rifle team, everybody expects her to be super cool and sophisticated but shes also in the anime club and she barks at people
jane
business major, and shes fucking good at it too bc she is this adorable little chubby girl with an overbite who talks and bakes like your grandmother but she is a cutthroat fucking genius and by the third semester everyone in her bba has heard her name and is fucking terrified of her
i feel like she would be in the college republicans. i know nobody wants to hear this and i dont like it either but the evidence speaks for itself. she idolizes ron swanson. shes a libertarian AT LEAST. im sorry
anyway she makes the most mind blowing edibles u have ever tasted
jake
what the fuck is he studying? nobody knows. but hes on the football team and hes really big and so nobody cares. he is extraordinarily talented at colliding with people at high speeds
hes involved w a lot of extracurricular activities tho (other than sport ball). does a lot of volunteer work, esp with kids
took a film class once bc he needed the fine art credit but couldnt take it bc he loved every movie he watched so much he couldnt say anything critical about them
roxy
computer science major and sorority sister
used to be a big party girl, now is the designated driver. was fairly legendary for winning crash and compile with a blood alcohol level of .18
on the varsity league of legends team
dirk
computer science/philosophy dual major. wants to die every day of his life
overloads his schedule every fucking time just to prove he can do it. has already been hospitalized at least once
president of the anime club. he rules it with an iron fist and so nobody stays except for jade. ive posted this headcanon before
Last night we were talking about all the other Earth-based SBURB sessions. Now, most of them were probably screwed from the start if they weren’t part of an ectobiological loop (unless there was a rash of meteor babies delivered in the 90s, which would be kind of funny) but we thought if any of the other sessions did get very far, they’d have to deal with a bunch of the same crap as the kids without any of the inside info. So this spiraled into imagining some sort of SBURB help forum with a bunch of questions and bug reports where an increasingly harried mod keeps going ‘it’s this ONE SESSION out there fucking everyone else up, I’m sorry’
‘There’s an unidentified object at the heart of my battlefield. No one mentioned this.’ ‘It seems to be corruption from our parent session #612a2. The players are still active but are only in communication with a four person session based in the US, #413b1. I’ll let you know if they ever start answering my PMs, but for now, here’s a link to a thread with people discussing fixes that worked for them.’
‘One of my timeloops should’ve been stable but now the whole timeline is flagged as doomed. Our Time player has checked everything but there’s no reason for it. HELP!!!’ There’s a rogue Time hero/boss local to the 612/413 session cluster. Most of the time he doesn’t affect us, but sometimes timeloops get snagged on his localized alpha. Destroy any of the following artifacts in your session, especially the puppet, and try again.’
‘CANCER UPDATE: The 612 data corruption manifests in an extremely aggressive archagent and a rapid onset Reckoning. Do not engage Jack Noir, and do not under any circumstances let him acquire a regent’s ring. We recommend you deploy Prospit dreamers to acquire the White King’s scepter and keep it safe to delay the Reckoning.’
‘There are red squiggly things in the sky. Is that bad??’ ‘Unfortunately session 413′s archagent got the black queen’s ring and is in the process of tearing all instances of our universe to shreds. I’d recommend you pick up the pace, because we’re now on a deadline courtesy of those fuckers.’
‘My dreamself died and usually I just have to deal with the horrorterrors but last time I fell asleep I was somewhere else, and there were a bunch of other people there. Is this a special level I unlocked?’ ‘Somehow the 612/413 cluster…broke… death??? I don’t fucking know. Avoid any gray skinned people you see – they tend to be hostile. [Blurry photo of Vriska.] DEFINITELY avoid this one.’
And eventually it just devolves into everyone complaining about those losers from 413 who keep ruining it for everyone and you get posts like ‘Apparently every planet gets one first guardian but GUESS WHO got Earth’s and PROTOTYPED it????’ and ‘There’s a cheat that lets you godmod the whole game and we’ve been looking for it for weeks but FUCKING SESSION 413′s Breath hero fell ass backwards into it on accident those fuckers’
The mod dreams of one day finding these people to scream at them in person
